you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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