If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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