well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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