you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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