im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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