I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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