She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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