some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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