and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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