i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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