The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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