I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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