that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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