I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize