dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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