I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize