my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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