I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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