my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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