oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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