this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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