Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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