Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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