She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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