If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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