a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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