dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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