I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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