if you like me you must not know who I am
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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