i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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