there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize