Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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