I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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