Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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What a dumb baby whore.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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