I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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