I wish I could teleport
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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