i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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