I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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