Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize