There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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