im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize