i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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