Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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