I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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