During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize