She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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