Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize