if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize