Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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