I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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